There’s No Forcing a Daughter On a Husband She Doesn’t Want
October 29, 2007
There’s No Forcing a Daughter On a Husband She Doesn’t Want
Q: Is it acceptable for the father to force his daughter on a husband she doesn’t like?
A: It’s not for the father, or anyone else, to force his daughter [lit charge] on a husband she doesn’t like. Rather, you need her her permission, as the Messenger (PBUH) said: “Do not marry a young woman without her counsel, and do not marry a virgin without her permission.” They said [the people of Medina] “O Messenger of Allah, how does she give her permission?” and he said “She stays silent.” In another phrasing he said, “Her permission is her silence.” and in a third phrasing: “The virgin gives her consent to her father, and that consent is her silence.” So it is necessary for the father to seek her permission if she has reached nine and above. Similarly, those responsible for finding her a husband can not marry her off without her consent. This is obligatory for everyone. If one marries without consent, the marriage is invalid. This is because the condition of marriage is the pleasure of both bride and groom. So if she married without permission and was coerced under severe threats or by beatings, then the marriage is invalid, except for the father of a girl under nine. If you marry her off and she is younger than nine, there’s no objection to the validity [of the marriage], because the Messenger (PBUH) married Aisha without her permission and she was under nine. We have in a Sahih Hadith, As for when she has reached nine and above, there’s no marrying her except with her permission, and that goes for the father. As for the husband, if he knew she didn’t like him, he needs to not continue with it, even if the father is on his side [lit: tolerant towards him], its necessary to fear God and not pursue the woman who doesn’t like him. If the father claims he wasn’t forcing her, he needs to be wary of what God has forbidden him to do, because the Messenger (PBUH), ordered the seeking of consent and that we recommend the engaged girl to fear God and consent, if the father saw it fit for his daughter to marry, and if the suitor was of good faith and morals. [This is also true] if the person who arranged the marriage was someone other than the father. Marriage is very good and very beneficial, and there’s danger in bachelorhood. For that we recommend generally that young women agree when they are presented with a decent man, and not give excuses of studying or teaching or some such thing.
God is the Arbitrating Authority.
Sheikh Ibn Baz
Taken from Fataawa al-Maraa “Fatwas on Women” by Sheikh Ibn Baz, Sheikh Authimein, and Sheikh Jabreen. Riyadh, Dar al-Watan lil-Nashr, 1993/1414. Translated by Josh Berer
Vocabulary and Translation Notes
مولية - Protector, charge
نكح – Marry
أيم – Unmarried young woman
بكر - Virgin
لفظ – Phrasing, wording
ولي / أولياء – Relative, friend, legal guardian
قهر – Coerce, force
وعيد – Threats
حرج – Prohibition, confinement, restriction
زعم – To claim
وصّى – To recommend, to entrust
مصلحة / مصالح –Matter, requirement, that which is beneficial
عزوبة – Bachelorhood, single-ness
كفء – Capable, competent, suitable
Translation Notes
فلا يزوّجها إلا بإذنها ولو أبه أبوها – “So don’t marry her off except with her permission, and that goes for the father.” That last clause confused me a bit.
لما في النكاح من الخير…-“Marriage is good…” Also a confusing wording, as literally it reads “Whereas in marriage is from good…”
The Use of Unbelievers in Cooking and Cleaning
October 28, 2007
Q: We have a non-Muslim servant, is it alright to leave her to wash the clothes I pray in, and is it alright to eat what she cooks? And should I denounce her religion and explain to her the futility of it?
A: It’s alright to use unbelieving servants in cooking and cleaning, and similarly to eat what they cook and wear the clothes they sew and wash, if the main part [lit. body] appears to be clean. Her impurity is spiritual, and the Companions used non-Muslim servant women and slaves, and ate what they brought from their native non-believing countries, so as to learn from them, for their bodies seemed to be in good shape [lit pure feeling]. However, there is a Hadith that mentions washing their cooking utensils before cooking with them, if they have been used to drink alcohol or cook non-Halal meat or pork, and washing the clothing which touched their private areas. As for denouncing their religions and showing them the futility of them, that is allowed and desired of those following the current religion [ie Islam], be it heresy like paganism, or the abrogated and updated religions, like Christianity. The shame falls on those abrogated and updated religions [not the servant herself], but you need to invite her to Islam and explain its teachings and merits and what it contains, while showing the differences between it and the other religions.
Sheik Ibn Jabreen.
Taken from Fataawa al-Maraa “Fatwas on Women” by Sheikh Ibn Baz, Sheikh Authimein, and Sheikh Jabreen. Riyadh, Dar al-Watan lil-Nashr, 1993/1414. Translated by Josh Berer
Vocabulary and Translation Notes
غسّل – To wash
عاب / يعيب - To denounce – from ’shame’
بطلان – Futility
خاط / يخيط – To sew
نجاسة – That which impurifies and necessitates wudu’
معنوية – Spiritual, based on meaning, rather than substance
طاهر – clean, pure
ميتة – Non-Halal meat.
عورة – Private area, part of the body not shown in public
منسوخ – Abrogated
How Do We Deal With a Relative Who Does Not Pray?
October 28, 2007
How do we deal with a relative who does not pray?
Q: My husband has a brother who doesn’t pray, except very rarely. I live with my husband’s family, and they sit by him, even while the Imam is praying, so what must I do, for I am not among his close relatives, so is there a sin upon me if I can’t correct him?
A: If he doesn’t pray, he needs to be abandoned. Don’t say hello to him, and don’t respond to his greetings, until he repents, because leaving prayer is the greatest blasphemy. Even if he has not denied its obligation, according to the most scholarly opinion, the Prophet (PBUH) said, “The difference between us and them is prayer, and whoever leaves it is a disbeliever.” This was taken from Imam Ahmed and the authors of the Sunans, and has a solid chain of transmission. The Prophet (PBUH) said, “[The difference] between men and unbelievers and polytheists is the leaving of prayer.” This was taken from Imam Muslim in his book of Hadiths. And if he renounced the necessity [of prayer], then he is a disbeliever according to the consensus of the learned scholars. It is incumbent upon his family to admonish him and abandon him if he does not return to the fold, [lit repent, do penitence], and it is necessary to bring the issue to a religious authority in order that he may call him to repent. If he does not repent he will be killed, for God Almighty said “If they repent and stand in prayer, and give charity, leave him be.” And the Prophet (PBUH) said “Killing those who pray is forbidden.” So this indicates that if he does not pray, do not leave him be, and there is no prohibition on killing him, if you bring the issue to a religious authority and he still doesn’t repent.
God is the Arbitrating Authority.
Sheikh Ibn Baz
Taken from Fataawa al-Maraa “Fatwas on Women” by Sheikh Ibn Baz, Sheikh Authimein, and Sheikh Jabreen. Riyadh, Dar al-Watan lil-Nashr, 1993/1414. Translated by Josh Berer
Vocabulary and Translation Notes
إثم- Sin
استحق- Need to, become necessary to
تاب / يتوب- Repent, offer penitence
استتاب- To make one repent
Translation Notes
حتى ولو كان- Even during…This was a very confusing phrase to deal with.
العهد- In this context it means “difference” as opposed to contract, agreement, or era.
إن لم يجحد وجوبها- “If he did not deny its obligation”
إجماع -Consensus, one of the four major sources of jurisprudence.
لم يتب- “He did not repent” The verb is hollow, so in the Jussive (majzoom) case, the weak root is dropped.
خلو السبيل- Let him free, leave him be.
My Country
October 28, 2007
This poem was written by the Lebanese poet Elia Abu Maadi in the 1920s. Abu Maadi came to America in 1911 and along with Khalil Gibran, Ameen Rihani, and Mikhail Naimy formed the “al-Mahjar” “The Emigrants” group of Arab-American poets. Translated by Josh Berer.
Translation:
I was strolling in a beautiful garden,
And I heard the songs of singing birds
I was delighted, yet my heart did not love it
Like the birds of my land, or the flowers of my country
I drank the water of the Nile, the Sheikh of rivers,
It was as though I had tasted the water of the Kouthar,
A river blessed since ancient times,
Sweet, but not like the water of my country.
I drew a picture in my head,
Of beauty, for it is the master of the poet
I went to recite it, but my mind didn’t know how,
Until I saw the women of my country.
-Elia Abu Maadi
Vocabulary
شادي Singing
طرب To be delighted
فؤاد Heart
الكوثر The river that runs through Paradise
عذب Sweet, said of non-salty water
خاطرMind
انشدTo look for, to recite (poetry)
أعيا To be at a loss, to be weak, to be unable to express